American History

It was the first day of school in Dallas and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?”

She saw a sea of blank faces,except for Suzuki, who had his hand up

“Patrick Henry, 1775” He said.

“Very good! Who said, Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?”

Again, no response except from Suzuki : “Abraham Lincoln, 1863” said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.

Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper : “Screw the Japs.”

“Who said that?” She demanded angrily.

Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

Without patience, the teacher glares and asks ‘All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “I know”

“Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Anthrax

A T.V. girl went to interview a farm owner to collect information regarding the cause of Anthrax disease.

She asked the farm owner “ Hello….we come to find out some information about the cause of Anthrax. Do you have any ideas of what may be the cause?”

The farmer looked at her and said “Do you know that actually a bull will breed with his mate only once a year?”

The T.V. girl looks shy then answered, “Hmm….that was an interesting information….but, I see nothing with Anthrax, right?

The farmer said, “Oh….do you know that we milk a cow 4 times a day here?

The girl get doubtful and said, “Well…that’s another good info but why don’t we get straight to the point?

The farmer is getting angry and said, “I said it to the point….Think about this baby, if I play around your breast 4 times a day but f…. you once a year.”

“Don’t you get mad?”

I Will Always Love You.

A life-long prisoner broke the jail he has lived for 25 years. During his escape, he went to a house while husband and wife who own the house were sleeping. He tied the wife up on a bed while the husband was tied with a chair down the floor.

In the dark, the husband saw the bad guy jumped up the bed and kissed his wife before leaving the room.

“My dear” The husband calls his wife, he says,

“The bastard must have not seen women for a long time, I guess, I saw him kissing you”, “Now! He may find something he wants.” “Dear, you must be patient and let the bad guy do what he wants to save your life, I will always love you!”

“Oh….honey, I am very appreciated for what you said.” The wife said with her impressive feeling toward her husband. She continues,

“You are right about he has not seen women for a long time but he didn’t kiss me.” Actually, he was whispering to me that you are very lovely and would be finding some vasaline.”

“Be strong, dear!”

“I will always love you.”

Poor Hair Style.

Tom moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts one in half and sends her the top part.

Later Tom receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. He cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half! He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eye sight is and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later, Tom receives a letter from his grandmother.

It says, “Thank you for the picture my dear, please change your hairstyle……….

It makes your nose look too long!!!!!”